The Legend of Danny Engall, part 4 fin

I came out of Harold's office hugging an offer of 11.5 million dollars to my chest on a tablet. I was choked up with triumph and disappointment. I had certainly gotten more out of OMC than what Dynacorp had offered me... but in my fantasies, I'd imagined millions more being tossed around. Fifteen million, twenty million... who knew what I was worth?

I went back to my bunk and tried to plan out what I'd say to Dynacorp. Could I get more out of them? Probably, I figured, maybe I could get another half a million. Maybe they'd have me for twelve million. I wondered if that would be a record. Jack Lipstein, best orehound in history! The thing was, though, I wasn't really sure I wanted to work for Dynacorp. I didn't know anything about them, of course, but that was the problem. What if they expected more from me than what I was already giving to OMC? What if they wanted me to do something I liked even less than what I was doing now? What if it was even more dangerous? For twelve million, did it really matter?

Since I knew I wouldn't be working with him much longer, I decided to I might as well just get Terry's opinion.

We were digging out a little pocket of platinum on a knobby rock I could have sworn I'd visited when I first got up here and not found anything. But who knows? The rock was really friable and there was dust and chips around us everywhere, making it hard to see what we were doing, which was pretty tiring. We decided to take a break and chew a little juice back at the hopper.

I felt pretty good after I'd had a few bites, tired and relaxed at the same time, so I just told him, "I got an offer of 11.5 million from OMC and can maybe get more from Dynacorp... I just want your opinion, which one do you think I'd get more out of working for?"

Terry didn't even take a second to think. "Jack, you'll get more out of working with me. I told you that."

"Why do you--I don't even know what you mean," I said. "I'm making pretty lame money, all I have up here is a tiny little bunk and about five possessions, honestly, I bust my butt out here all day and hardly ever get any acknowledgement, from you or anybody else... you tell me what I'm getting out of this!"

"There you go," said Terry.

"There I go, what?" I jerked the juice nozzle off my helmet so I could stare at him.

"I wish you could hear yourself, Jack, I really do. I tell you, Danny Engall was a little dense at first too, but I don't think I've ever met a man who had just your combination of talent and pure blockheadedness. And I don't know how else to--"

"Who the hell is Danny Engall?" I shouted, on my feet without having made a decision to stand up. I was suddenly afraid I was going to cry.

Terry laughed, that scumball. "He was just a guy we had here before, all right? I don't know why you keep bringing him up."

"You keep bringing him up! You keep comparing me to him! Everybody does. I'm supposed to be the next Danny Engall, I'm supposed to be the best at what I do, heck, I'm supposed to love what I do, but I still have to drag myself out of bed every morning!"

He'd stopped laughing. He leaned forward a little. "Look... all right, I'm sorry, Jack." He took a breath. "You know I never apologize. But I am, all right, I'm sorry, I'm not always the best teacher."

I kept waiting for him to continue and he didn't. So I sat down.

"I don't know what to tell you," he said at last, "so I'll just ask you something my teacher once asked me. Who do you hate more, me or yourself? Give me the truth."

"You!" I said, with a little more anger than I meant.

Terry nodded. "Good." He had a little smile.

I felt somehow like a little valve had opened in my chest and let some of the pressure out. I was confused. But I didn't feel as angry. I looked away from him and out the door of the hopper and then I saw it, a little spire of rock that was very familiar to me.

"We were here before," I said. "Before I met you. Didn't find anything."

"I'm not surprised," said Terry. And then, after a long pause, "You've gotten exponentially better since I met you."

"It's all right. You don't have to say it. I get it." I glanced at him and he was grinning again. "I still don't know what to do. Twelve million dollars a year is a lot of money."

"Jack--" he began sharply, then stopped. "Jack... I just asked you who you hated more. Who would you hate more if you signed that contract? Either one of those contracts?"

I looked down. I knew the answer, I just didn't want to say it. "But I don't like this job," I said to the floor. "I don't like being here. I don't like orehounding, damn it, I don't care how good I am at it."

"I know that, dummy!" said Terry. "You think you're going to like it any better for twelve million? They going to pay you to like your job?"

Something was flipping over in my chest.

"You got how many more years on your contract here with OMC, three? I've already told you fifteen times what's the best way you could use those years. You really think it matters whether you like what you're doing? I'm sorry I'm so bad at getting you to understand me, I really am. But you tell me what would be smarter than using this time to tune every cell in your body to maximum awareness? And don't think it matters that it's platinum you're looking for. I swear, sometimes you're just clueless."

"But Danny Engall signed with Dynacorp..."

"Will you let go of Danny Engall? He was just this guy."

"I thought you were being selfish," I said. "Just wanted to have one more great trainee to your name."

Terry shrugged. "Who wouldn't want that? But really, Jack, if fame was all I wanted, I'd spend every day by myself in the Hatch Patch. Why should I come out here and torture myself trying to get basic rock smarts through your thick skull? Why should I turn down promotions? You tell me."

I stared back out the door of the hopper. I was afraid I was going to start crying, again, but for even stupider reasons than before. I wished I'd brought the contracts with me so I could tear them up that instant. I just thought of Mojo, for some reason, how amazing it was to have been able to work with that dog, that once-in-a-lifetime dog. I didn't know how a guy could be so lucky.

So that was what happened three years ago and now, you know, I'm still working with Terry and I still don't like prospecting for platinum. Well, I like some parts of it, I like seeing just how big the ore pocket is and thinking about the platinum being processed and going into electronics and things in people's homes and bodies. Wedding rings. I wouldn't say that Terry is a great friend, not so much, but we still watch poker together most evenings and I tolerate whisky, and I can't even imagine never working with him or seeing him again. But my contract is up next week and I'm going back to Earth.

We're heading back to the Hatch Patch today, just for a lark, just for the sake of old times. We don't talk the whole way in and we don't talk once we land. This asteroid is huge, another that makes you feel almost like you're on a planet or a moon, with its own faint gravity and its own horizon in the distance. I can see Orion on the horizon. Terry heads off in one direction and I in another, and I know he's there just a word away, he will be in my ear instantly if he finds anything, but we're silent. I want to go back to Chicago when I land, I want to see snow again... I have a brother-in-law who runs a catering business and he always needs help. When I lived there he must have asked me five times if I'd take a job with him. And God, I am going to be happy to never see another asteroid in my life. So happy.

As for Terry, I don't know. I don't think we'll write. Why would we write? We have nothing in common. But I'm going back to Earth about a ton lighter than when I came, and it's not just because he makes me wrestle that drill around everywhere. I have nothing to say. So we finish up the day in silence, and then next week I go live my life.

The Legend of Danny Engall, part 3

We worked in the Hatch Patch for weeks. This is a part of the asteroid field a bit further out that's known for its copious amounts of junk. But everyone wants to go there because every once in a while, someone finds a rock that's loaded with ore, breaks all the records and makes its finder famous. Terry didn't like to work out here as a matter of course, he said, but it was good for a lark if you'd already met your quotas that month. And we had probably met our quota in the first half of the first week.

"Came out here with Danny Engall once," said Terry. "Found a little rock that was near solid platinum. He saw it across the field from the hunk of junk we were standing on."

"You said that already," I said.

"Well, get your tools. We're not going to find anything if we stand around here yakking."

I pulled the bag out of the hopper and clipped it on my belt, and shuffled across the surface of the massive asteroid we'd landed on. It was jagged and rubbly and didn't allow my boots a very good grip. It was big enough to have its own horizon, though, a barely-arcked line in the distance between black rock and not-so-black sky. I automatically swung my head back and forth as I walked, my light sweeping the rock around me as fast as I could. Terry was twenty steps ahead of me and I was five steps out of the hopper when I stepped right on it. A little nub of shiny rock, I saw it before the brushy pad of my boot covered it. I slid my boot off and I already had the drill out and going into the rock before I really regained my balance.

I didn't bother to call Terry over. I wanted to find out how big the pocket was more than I wanted his attention. I drilled a hole near my left foot. Rock. Drilled a hole on the other side of the platinum nub. An inch of rock, then more platinum. Drilled a few more holes around the nub, then further away, toward where Terry had disappeared to, then up back toward the hopper. Platinum. Platinum. Platinum. Platinum. I was starting to get excited, but I just wanted to find the edges of the pocket. Kept drilling but I wasn't finding it.

"Where the hell are you?" Terry's voice sounded tinny in my ears.

"Found something," I said.

And in half a minute he was there beside me. "How far's it go?"

"No idea. Half the damn asteroid."

Terry was laughing. He looked in a few of my drill holes and shook his head. "All right, keep going. Wait, I'll help." He got out the backup drill and went off on the other side of the hopper. After half an hour I heard his voice, "Think I found one edge of it over here."

"I found an edge, still going in one direction," I said.

"You know we can't get this out by ourselves," he said. "We'd be here all month."

I grunted, more focused on the drill than anything else. It took me another hour to outline the pocket, then me and Terry took a break by the hopper.

"Show me what you saw first?" he said.

It took me a few minutes to find it. A little bump with a faint shine to it under the lights, no bigger than my thumbnail. That was the only part of the lode that was exposed at all.

Terry didn't say anything for a while. Then he said, "I feel like a moron for missing that. Not that I ever would have seen it."

I didn't any anything.

"Let's put the beacon up. We can work on establishing the edges some more and then we'll turn it over to a crew." I didn't really want to stop working on it... I was too curious to see just how deep it went... but we were going to be late as usual. Terry was uncharacteristically solemn as he drove the hopper back.

"This one's big, you know," he said. "I'll be sure to tell them who found it." His voice was quiet.

I nodded. I hadn't told him about my meeting with Harold Slawski, but I'd been thinking about it. I had no idea what to expect. I kept thinking what I'd do with eleven million dollars. I didn't know whether or not I was as good as this Danny Engall guy, but heck, I might be even better. Maybe I could get more. Maybe I could get a bonus I could use right away. Maybe I could get new quarters, visits to Earth, my own hopper with a pilot who worked for me instead of the other way around. I wondered what Danny Engall was doing for Dynacorp and whether it was better than what I was doing for OMC.

Then Terry said a funny thing. "You want to come over and watch the poker championship tonight?"

"Uh," I said, "You mean, over to your place?"

"Yeah, I got a good screen. Vaclav Horn is in the finals again."

I didn't know a thing about poker, and Terry wasn't particularly the kind of guy I would have hung out with on Earth. I looked over at him where he steered the hopper with light hands, the size of a boy's but far hairier. He was looking up at the displays.

"What time?" I said.

"Just come over after dinner. C324. We'll have some whisky."

"All right," I said. All I could think was that I didn't have to sit around in my bunk after supper.

I showed up at C324 after I ate. Terri's door looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a while. There was a black smudge across the center where it looked like he'd pushed it open with his hip about a thousand times. He didn't have his name up. I rang.

Terry opened the door in shorts and bare feet. He already had a glass of whisky in his hand. He motioned me in and sat down on his couch and poured me a whisky and put his hairy feet up and turned back to the screen. I took the whisky and drank it slowly, trying to swallow without tasting it too much, and stared at the screen for a while. Yep, there were people playing poker.

He still hadn't said anything.

I watched the poker for a while and finished my drink. I felt very sleepy. "You like this stuff," I finally said, and my voice sounded hoarse to me.

"Uh huh," Terry said. I wondered suddenly if he had any friends.

"Harold Slawski told me they wanted to promote you but you wouldn't," I said.

Terry put his drink down. "Harold has some funny ideas about things. You been talking to him?"

I nodded. "He said they might renegotiate my contact."

Terry was very quiet, then he laughed. "Trying to cover all his bases, as usual. Well, they might. What are you going to ask for?"

I stared at the poker players. "Fifteen million a year," I said.

Terry laughed again. "All right. And what are you going to do with it?"

I shrugged. "I'll think of something."

"All right," said Terry. He picked up his drink again. "You know I'd have to find somebody else to justify my existence as a pilot," he said.

I glanced at him. He was looking at me, his gaze amused under the bushy eyebrows. Was he serious? "You could always take that management job," I said.

"What the hell would I want to do that for? Get some sense, Jack!" He snorted and I looked back at the poker. "Piloting's about the only thing that's worth anything, unless you count orehounding."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean? I mean it's the closest you can get to working for yourself. I'm responsible for nobody but me and you out there, and what I do matters. Plus it's hard. At least if you want to do it well it's hard. So's your job. And you might want to take a promotion or take a contract somewhere else but let me tell you, Jack, you still have a hell of a lot to learn and it's going to take you more time, not less, to learn it if you move on now. Trust me."

My face was burning. That was the most I'd ever heard Terry say at once before and somehow it stung in a way that all his comments out on the rocks didn't. What did he mean, I had a lot to learn? Obviously I was still new to what I was doing and I needed a little more practice, but he said it like I was still a kid. Like I was an idiot for thinking I could get fifteen million. I sat there seething, not paying attention to Vaclav Horn.

"Well," I said. "What if I wanted to get some experience with some other pilots, you know? While I was here. Obviously you've seen a lot but I know there are other guys who've been out here just as long."

Terry gave me a hard look, then shrugged. "Yeah, Earl Hardwick's good. Some others. But you wanna learn, I'm not shitting you, I'm going to teach you more than they can. Earl's all right. He knows some good tricks. But you'd be an idiot to leave me." He had his jaw set so hard I could see the muscles bulge under his chipmunk cheeks.

Well what the hell? I thought. What the hell is this guy on? I didn't want to learn! I didn't even want to be here on this station, let alone in this room. With this friendless caveman who thought I was his protege and still couldn't manage to ever say anything nice to me. I wanted to scream at him, "I don't want to learn orehounding!" but I didn't, because I didn't want it to matter that much. This wasn't something I was going to scream about. What did it matter to me? I used to think I had a calling, but I was wrong. Now I thought I had a meal ticket, and maybe I did, but it wasn't worth getting into a fight with anybody about it.

I sunk into the couch and didn't say much the rest of the night. Neither did he. After the matches finished up he told me I should come back again the next night, and I did, because it was still better than my empty cube. Had whisky and watched poker. And it became a regular thing. We really didn't talk. I started to get into the poker a little, not as much as Terry, but it was a good thing because at least I wasn't bored to death. I asked him once why he liked it and he said, "Because it's hard... to do well, anyway," though I got the idea he wasn't very good at it himself.

We kept going back to the Hatch Patch but, ironically, never found anything else. It was a little frustrating. A crew was excavating the big lode on the rock we'd hit the first day, and we kept landing on these piddling chunks and not finding anything besides scraps. Terry was treating me a little better, I have to admit, but the times he was critical it just made the frustration all the worse.

Once we were excavating this tiny, walnut-sized chunk of platinum and I popped it wrong, so that it spun up into space. Terry grabbed at it and missed and then it was way out of reach, heading off into the field. "Shit!" he said. "I don't believe it! You were doing so well, Jack, now you just made a mistake my sister's three-year-old kid wouldn't make."

That made me angry. "What do you want? It's barely worth bringing in."

"I want you to do your job, Jack. Just do your job. It's not nothing. The demand goes up every year."

I stood up. "You think I care what they need this stuff for?"

"All right, so you don't care. Fine. But I expect you to care about the kind of job you do. You know how I feel about people cutting corners up here."

"I just don't understand why it matters," I said. "That piece was scrap."

"Well, if you don't know that, I'm not sure I can teach you," said Terry, and he turned around. He was walking back to the hopper. Him yelling at me was one thing, but I'd never seen him pissy like this. I caught up to him and he turned around again before I could say anything. He was glowering. "Whoever Dynacorp is paying at OMC probably already leaked the news of your big find, and that'll convince 'em to move if nothing does. I expect you'll be hearing from them before next week. You'll get a big offer and you'll take it. Why not? You're clearly not interested in anything I have to offer."

I was practically panting, I was so worked up. Steam condensed for a split second on the inside of my helmet before the air conditioner whisked it away. And yet I didn't want to be upset. Not at Terry, crazy Terry, little, foolish Terry. "I don't get it, why do you care what I do?"

"I don't get why you don't care," said Terry. "That's what I don't get." He climbed in the hopper and took the controls.

Apparently we were heading home. I climbed into the hopper too. I looked out the little window on my side. I had an ugly feeling in me, a feeling like I was being used, like Terry wanted something from me but didn't want to pay for it. I knew he'd worked with Danny Engall. I knew Danny had jumped ship for Dynacorp. What if they'd been close or something? What if Terry just wanted me to be Danny? This phantom I kept hearing about... I suppose I'd meet him if I ended up at Dynacorp. See him for real.

Terry told me he'd see me at poker and he did, though as usual we didn't talk. Two days later I came home to a note from Dynacorp. Terry was right. They wanted me, as soon as they could get me. They didn't want me to talk to OMC about it. They mentioned Danny Engall in the note. They said I could expect something similar. I almost picked up the stylus to tap something back to them, but I knew I had to talk to Harold. I knew I could get more.