You say she left you an hour ago

"The only reason you don't want me to do it is because you won't let yourself do it," she said. "And you won't let yourself do it because she wouldn't let you do it. But you say she left you an hour ago, so why are you still taking it out on me?"

He stood there with the phone number between his thumb and his index finger, staring at her. "That's not the reason," he said.

Her eyebrows shot up. "It's not dangerous."

"You've got a funny idea of danger."

"You're more likely to die in a plane crash," she said.

"Who's talking about dying?" Kevin waited until she looked back at him, and said, "You're not worried about the risk to your personality?"

Amber snorted. "No."

A slow grin crept out on Kevin's face. He pushed the piece of paper into the back pocket of his jeans. He crossed his arms. "You're not worried at all. You want to be changed."

She lifted her hands and let them slap down against her legs, rolling her eyes. "Who would do this who doesn't want to be changed?"

"Yeah, but you don't just want enlightenment. You want to... not be Amber anymore."

By the time she had stepped up to him her face was blank, and her hands on the back of his jeans were rough, careless. "Why should I? You didn't want me as I am," she mumbled against his neck. "Still don't."

He shook his head but remained mute. His face was hot as she pulled away, the phone number in her fist. "So you're going to go... let some dirty Korean with a giant magnet jolt everything away."

"I'll remember everything. It just won't matter anymore. My agonies will be gnats. They say that. You and her, gnats." She was already turning to walk away. "And you still won't let yourself do it!"

He stared, and kept staring, as she walked. Was he immature for not wanting to make his agonies into gnats? "It's just that I don't want to change who I am," he called.

"No, Kevin. It's just that you're not hurting badly enough. Wait."